Odat One Day At A Time

As I walk downtown I see couples walking their dogs and holding hands, sitting in chairs gazing at stars ⭐️ together.

I can’t help but think to myself that my time has passed to find my soul mate.

When I should’ve been going to college, getting married and living happily ever after…..

I was using substances to numb the pain from my past. I was emotionally detached from reality. I was parenting my children alone in between domestic abuse and manipulative men that used me for my house 🏠 my car 🚙 my money 💰. The. When I asked them to help out because I couldn’t do it alone they left and went on to another one.

I have been independent and I don’t need a man to provide or define me. My worth is in my creator and I am a highly favored woman of the most high king.

But when I see an 80 year old man and woman who are helping each other stand up off their chairs it makes me think 💭 that I want that kinda of love ❤️ I want that relationship

God, you know my desires. Please bring me the man you have for me when I am ready.

Day 2:
Let me tell you about Day #1
The hardest moment I experienced yesterday was finding the time to make it outside to do the 45 Minute workout after spending the day learning Self Defense.

I came to a moment where I told my Mom, ”I have done everything except for this workout and reading the 10 pages of a book. (Which I left in my office)

I thought to myself, I am not going to FAIL ON THE FIRST DAY!
I went to the square at 8:30 pm to walk around downtown for 45 minutes.
I sat at the concert with my mom, reading the 10 pages of 75HARD, I was not going to fail one the first day!
I MADE IT, I PUSHED MYSELF, I DID THE HARD ISH! BECAUSE I AM CAPABLE OF IT!

When I said I was going to go ALL IN, I meant it!.
I cannot promise that I will not fail during these 75 days, but I know that day was not yesterday! And it won’t be today!

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Letting Go of Struggles

“Edge up against your pain and give it a name”

—Patricia Benson

Dwelling on our pain is unproductive and can heighten our anxieties. However, we do need to identify the pain, give it attention, and then be willing to let it go. Naming it sheds light on it, preventing the pain from living in the shadows where it remains free to haunt us.

Life is never wholly free from struggle and pain. As part of the human community, we learn significant lessons, and our willingness to experience the journey may sometimes appear directly related to the amount of pain we have suffered. But letting our steps be guided by our Higher Power, instead of fearfully resisting that Power, will make our lessons easier to learn and our journey smoother.

When the pain-filled moments come, as they may today, we can remember to acknowledge them and give them over to the One who has all power.

Today I will recognize my pain if it comes, and I will take responsibility for my part in it. It will leave when I do my part and let my Higher Power do the rest

Vulnerability
January 8
Some of us may have made a decision that no one was ever going to hurt us again. We may automatically go on
"feelings freeze mode" when faced with emotional pain. Or, we may terminate a relationship the first time we feel hurt.
Hurt feelings are a part of life, relationships, and recovery.
It is understandable that we don't want to feel any more pain. Many of us have had more than our share. In fact, at some time in our life, we may have been overwhelmed, crushed, or stopped in our tracks by the amount of pain we felt. We may not have had the resources to cope with our pain or take care of ourselves.
That was yesterday. Today, we don't have to be so frightened of pain. It does not have to overwhelm us. We are becoming strong enough to deal with hurt feelings. And we don't have to become martyrs, claiming that hurt feelings and suffering are all there is to life.
We need only allow ourselves to feel vulnerable enough to feel hurt, when that's appropriate, and take responsibility for our feelings, behaviors, and what we need to do to take care of ourselves. We don't have to analyze or justify our feel-ings. We need to feel them, and try not to let them control our behavior.
Maybe our pain is showing us we need to set a boundary; maybe it's showing us we're going in a wrong direction; maybe it's triggering a deep healing process.
It's okay to feel hurt; it's okay to cry; it's okay to heal; it's okay to move on to the next feeling, when it's time. Our willingness and capacity to feel hurt will eventually be matched by our willingness and capacity to feel joy.
Being in recovery does not mean immunity from pain; it means learning to take loving care of ourselves when we are in pain.
Today, I will not strike out at those who cause me pain. I will feel my emotions and take responsibility for them. I will accept hurt feelings as part of being in relationships. I am willing to surrender to the pain as well as the joy in life.

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Trusting God:
I have sometimes related what I know about God to my childhood, I have thought at times that because God called my mom to be a youth pastor, that it caused my mom to be taken away from me and neglect my brother and my self.

I have made a decision that no matter what God has called her to do, he was by my side and never let me down.

In recovery today,
I have learned that putting my confidence in people and my faith in their decisions can bring me pain and disappointment.
This used in the past has not allowed me to trust people.
It is very lonely and terrifying when you feel that the world is out to get you and that there is no one you can trust. Living in addiction this is a common theme. It is exhausting to keep this narrative going in Recovery. In Step #3 I learned to turn my will and my life over to care of God as I understood him, he is the only one worthy of this type of responsibility without the fear of being let down.
He can always be trusted…. He never intended for any of us to carry the world on our shoulders.

God is not a man, he does not lie.
He is not human so he does not suddenly change his mind.
In Numbers 23:19 God said “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you. Hebrews 13:5.
We know we can’t make it alone, because we have tried.
We can stop being the victim of our own demise and we can choose over and over again to turn our will and our life over to God. He is the only one able to care for our needs.

Frustration. What a powerful yet helpless feeling. We get frustrated for many reasons, all for things we can't control, either because we don't have the power or extend to change the situation or because of our perception. Our perception because, based on that, we can see a completely different scenario than what is given. However, when we are frustrated by something we can't control, it comes with the feeling of helplessness. You feel helpless, and a lot of the time, to stop those feelings, you need to let go and accept that it was not mean to be.
I read somewhere that: "When you learn to accept instead of except. You'll have a few disappointments."
Or in this case, fewer frustrations. We need to learn to accept the things we cannot control instead of spending countless hours thinking of how frustrated or upset you've become because of that situation. In the end, nothing has changed, and you're yet even more frustrated than you were at the beginning. It is not worth it! Can't you change it? Accept and move on. It was not right for you, anyway

Notes for my mate

Today, I will separate myself from family members. I am a separate human being, even though I belong to a unit called a family. I have a right to my own issues and growth; my family members have a right to their issues and a right to choose where and when they will deal with these issues. I can learn to detach in love from my family members and their issues. I am willing to work through all necessary feelings in order to accomplish this.

Good morning!
Life is a beautiful thing and this Holiday season has helped me see how precious time and family is.

However this dating situation…. My goodness..
But in it all….
God
God I trust you, not just when it is easy. But even when it is hard. I trust you not just when it makes sense but even when I don’t understand why. I trust you, not just when it is good. But i trust you even though it seems like I am going thru hell. I trust you, not because I know what your doing. But because I know what you promised.

First of all, apologies for not writing yesterday.

So here I am today writing…. I guess today is a bit of a lighter note, today is mostly about dating. It is extremely hilarious the amount of men that are interested and the ending amount of men that actually have some sort of depth or energy that is compatible to my own.

Honestly it amazes me that I talk with so many people and yet it almost always ends before we even meet.
People lack the ability to engage and get to know each other other than classic non-sense.
When asked in depth questions it seems like the very basic responses just do not satisfy my desire for intelligence and for connection to another human being.
It does not have to be man it can be woman, just someone with depth…. I know it may not be a common thing to discuss dating and the things that I do in my personal life, but it is exactly what I am learning today.
There is one that has his life together , he has goals, he is positive, he works hard and thinks of others. He is humble…. He is blessed because of his humility.
There is the old one who makes excuses for why life is not perfect but sits and waits for life to change to the pace expected.
Life is work… It is growth, if your not willing to grow, to be uncomfortable, to be lonely, to be with your thoughts alone and figure out why you think and act the way you do and how this causes a chain reaction with others.
This is how we get the life that we dream of.

By breaking the mold that we have been put in and told “DO IT THIS WAY”
Sometimes it does not work this way and you must try it different.
There are a few others that would love to have dinner and take a walk…… One who asks if being Native American is a deal breaker. To which I respond, I am not against and culture or race… If your a jerk no matter what nationality I will leave you in the rear view mirror.
They all sound promising, they all have minimal patience for conversation.
Will they be able to engage on a personal level, will their goals and their aspirations match mine, will they be better than mine, will they have any?
Who knows but in the end I am here to experience life and find my Husband.
I will interview as many as I must in order to find the one that is meant for me.
The one thing that is 100% certain is;
I take God with me in each situation and conversation.
I ask him to reveal to me what it is that I need to see in each unique situation. I ask him to show me the truth behind the words.
I trust him. I also trust that if God says to me….. “Shanna sit back and do not pursue, for I will bring the one that is meant for you without you even making a move forward. “ I will do what he asks of me