Eddie Hart Hair

I’m the catch. I’m the prize. I’m the whole damn vibe.
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Today marks 35 days sober. Even though the past 35 days I should have drank, I have spent these days going through the roller coaster of emotions and doing the very thing I had been terrified of doing, being alone. A friend told me that sometimes break ups are actually break throughs and that hit me hard. I realized that as beautiful as the past 7.5 years were, it doesn’t come without it’s uglys. These past 35 days I have come to terms with a lot of s**t, and learned that these past few years I had actually been battling the one thing I never saw. That I had been battling depression. I had become so depressed with myself that I drove myself to drink. I hated how anti social I was so I drank to come alive. I hated that I felt my life had no purpose so I drank to black out from reality. My life became so auto pilot that I drank to get off course. Now I know I’ve hurt quite of few people and it’s without a doubt I feel remorse, regret and disappointment. But no matter who said what or who did what, at the end of day I can only account for the terrible things I had said and did and as much at the time I would put the blame on “Patricia” it’s time I take responsibility for it all and put that old girl to rest.
I am sorry. I can only hope one day you forgive me.
My friend who I had known since the good ol MySpace years who is a gifted photographer took this photo. He had asked what was I wanting to capture. I told him that I wanted to feel sexy. Something that I feel I struggled with. When I looked in the mirror all I saw was a destructive hungover depressed boy. But it’s now when I see this picture I finally see it, that’s the man I want to be. That’s sexy to me.
I always begged you to say that you loved me and I can finally say it and mean it now.

I love you Eddie 🤟❤️
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Bodies are made in the kitchen, just not in mine. Thank god for EATnaked.LA] for keeping my meals in check. Lately I haven’t had the time nor energy to even attempt to cook but when it comes to meal prep kitchens out there, EATnaked.LA] offers a variety of lean healthy means that I count on. Dairy free for me please!
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