Fresh to Death Esthetics

hi pals. reporting live from the mayo clinic lobby… again. 👋🏻

with just a little gratitude dump from a woman currently working on her THIRD cross-stitch project of the week because apparently this is who i am now.

the last couple of weeks have been a lot—but tucked inside all of the appointments, hotel rooms, labs, waiting rooms, phone calls, and general what-the-… there have been some really, really good things too.

so today, those get the microphone.

the wins lately:

🖤 jeff got into the clinical trial.

after all of the back and forth, the iv fluids, the blood draws, the “you’re .02 away,” the tofu, the driving, the hoping, the trying not to get our hopes up, and one final hail mary trip back to mayo…

we made it.

🖤 treatment has started.

there is officially medicine going into his body and a team of ridiculously smart humans (with actual medical degrees) working on our behalf. after spending so much time waiting to do something, there is something incredibly comforting about finally doing it.

🖤 we have a plan.

do i understand the plan every second of every day? absolutely not. but there is one… and right now that feels pretty damn good.

🖤 we have laughed. a lot.

in hotel rooms. in waiting rooms. at inappropriate times. probably about inappropriate things.

jeff’s jokes continue to remain objectively terrible, so please don’t mistake this for a glowing review of his material.

🖤 i have apparently become a cross-stitching machine.

three this week.
THREE.
at this rate i’ll be opening an etsy shop from the mayo lobby by september 💁🏻‍♀️

🖤 and perhaps the greatest news of all…
I BEAT JEFF AT GIN RUMMY!!! 🙌🏼🎉

jk…

I GET TO GO HOME. (lololol so does heff, i guess)

for 3.75 whole glorious days.

i have never been so excited to see my own bed, my dog, my wax pot, my people, and the never-ending construction outside of bismarck in my entire life.

i may actually shed a tear when i see the first orange cone.

absence really does make the heart grow fonder. apparently even for road construction.

but more than anything, i am just OVERWHELMINGLY GRATEFUL.

grateful for the doctors. the nurses. the staff. the people who show up ready to kick cancers ass.

grateful for every person who has prayed, sent good vibes, checked in, fed us, caffeinated me, loved our dog, helped with work, rearranged appointments, covered something i couldn’t, or simply reminded us that we’re not doing this alone.

grateful for my clients who have been unbelievably patient while ftde operates somewhere between “business as usual” and “i’ll text you when i know what state i’m going to be in.”

grateful for the people who have let me disappear when i needed to and welcomed me right back when i’ve resurfaced.

grateful that in a season filled with so much uncertainty, there has somehow also been so much goodness.

there’s plenty to be scared of.

there are still a million questions we don’t have answers to, and i’m sure there will be hard days ahead.
shhheeeyyittt i know there are going to be some hard days ahead…. probably sooner than we would like.

today, i just don’t feel like giving any of that the microphone.

because life keeps handing us these tiny little reminders that even here—even in a mayo clinic lobby, three cross-stitches deep—life is still really fu***ng good. and in case you were wondering… i really did beat jeff at gin. twice. 💁🏻‍♀️

and right now?

i’m choosing to notice. 🖤

hi pals.

i figured it was time for a little life update since my business page has accidentally become part esthetics page, part personal journal, part emotional dumpster fire…

the last few weeks have been… a lot.

if you’ve been following along, you know jeff was diagnosed with kidney cancer and life came in like a wwe folding chair to the back of the head.

hell nah brother.

since then we’ve been existing somewhere between doctor’s appointments, scans, phone calls, referrals, paperwork, and truly just trying to remember what day of the week it is.

the good news is that we have (some) answers. more importantly, we have a team we trust. we have a plan (kind of). we have people in our corner (amazing people). and while there are still plenty of unknowns ahead of us, we’re learning that unknown doesn’t automatically mean hopeless.

right now we’re choosing to focus on what we do know:

🖤 we have incredible doctors.
🖤 we have options.
🖤 we have support.
🖤 we have more laughter than tears most days.
🖤 jeff’s jokes still suck.
🖤 and we have today.

as for ftde—i’m still here.

my schedule continues to look a little different than normal, and i am still booking primarily through direct messages. this way i can try to remain flexible as appointments and treatment plans evolve.

thank you to every single person who has been patient, understanding, and kind while life has been asking a little more of us than we were prepared to give.

i don’t think i’ll ever be able to adequately explain what your support has meant to me. the messages, prayers, meals, gift cards, coffee (energy drinks 🫣), dog treats, hugs, and check-ins… they have carried me through some really hard days.

we’re taking things one appointment, one scan, one day at a time.

and today, we’re hopeful.

honestly, that’s enough for now. 🖤

p.s. life has felt a little serious around here lately, and while i don’t think pretending hard things aren’t happening is the answer, i do think joy deserves a seat at the table too.

so… keep an eye on this page over the next few days. i’ve got something fun planned because honestly… i think we could all use a reason to smile. 🖤
(and if we’re being “incredibly transparent”, i could always use an excuse to buy myself a new water bottle.)

someday i’m going to log onto this business page and make a post that doesn’t read like a journal entry, a public breakdown, or a cover letter to my therapist… but alas… today is not that day 🫠

life lately has been… how do i put this delicately… absolutely fooked.

good ole jeffy l**e was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer, and this week we got launched head first into emergency kidney removal surgery. thankfully not the kind where i had to throw my own kidney into the ring — because let’s be honest — mine have seen too many iced coffees and energy drinks to be considered “mint condition.”

but in all seriousness — life changed very quickly around here. like overnight.

so here’s my current game plan: online booking is temporarily turned off. not because i don’t want to see you all or because i’ve officially gone off the deep end — again — but because i genuinely have no clue what the next few days/weeks/months are going to look like for me.

i’ll still be working and opening up appointments — they’ll just probably look a little different for awhile. think smaller shifts, weird hours, random openings, and me operating purely on caffeine and my very last delulu brain cell.

please continue to text me if you need in. and please don’t hate me if you have a current appointment and i reach out about having to reschedule… i’m doing my absolute best to juggle life, work, appointments, hospital chaos, and the occasional mental breakdown in the target parking lot.

i appreciate every single one of you more than you know. thank you for being patient with me while life does its own weird little psychological thriller thing 🫣
honestly, i should write a book at this point. give stephen king a run for his money.

*first photo is Heff ready to lose his kidney.
*second is when i told him purple isn’t really his color.

hi friends 🤍

this post is… long overdue. and honestly, a little hard to write.

i’ve been quiet. really quiet. and not in a cute, mysterious way… more like a “brother… you alive???” kind of way.

what started as a tiny mental breakdown back in november turned into something a lot heavier than i expected. i told myself i just needed a minute to step back, catch my breath, and then i’d come back better than ever…

but that “minute” turned into months.

and now here we are… it’s april (i think) and i’m sitting here staring at 316 unread messages wondering how in the hell i got this behind.

and every time i try to start catching up—
to respond, to apologize, to just show up—
i see that number and my brain immediately goes:
“absolutely not. best i can do is a panic attack.”

so if you’ve messaged me and haven’t heard back… i want you to know it’s not because i don’t care. it’s not because you’re not important. it’s not because i forgot about you.

it’s because i got overwhelmed… and then i got stuck there.

and the longer i have sat in it, the harder it’s became to climb out.

if you know me, you know i live in “what can i do? how can i help?” mode. i pour and pour and pour until everyone else is taken care of… it’s my love language.

and somewhere along the way, i ran myself completely empty.

my cup hath officially runneth dry…
and your girl is tired.

—

so… here’s me trying.

not perfectly. not all at once. but intentionally.

if you’ve reached out and haven’t heard back, i am truly sorry. i mean that. i hate that i’ve left people hanging—it’s never been how i run my business or show up for my people.

instead of trying to dig myself out of 300+ messages and spiraling again… i’m hitting a bit of a reset.

✨ if you need an appointment, have a question, or were waiting on a reply—please reach back out. bump the message. book online. send a “hey girl hey i’m still here.” whatever works.

this helps me meet you where i’m at right now instead of drowning in where i feel like i “should” be. or should have been for a while now.

—

moving forward, i’m working on showing up differently.

that means:
• better communication (not perfect—but better)
• actual boundaries (wild concept, i know)
• not running myself into the ground trying to be everything for everyone

because as much as i love being your wax girl, your hype girl, your therapist, your comedian, and occasionally your emotional support human…

i also need to be a functioning person 😅

—

thank you for sticking with me.
for your patience, your grace, and honestly… for not firing me 😬

we’re coming back online—
a little softer, a little stronger, and still just unhinged enough to keep things interesting.

love you all. truly 🤍

now let’s get you booked before i spiral again 🫶