SELF Wellbeing

“I am making a home inside myself.
A shelter of kindness where everything is forgiven, everything allowed—a quiet patch of sunlight to stretch out without hurry,
where all that has been banished and buried is welcomed, spoken, listened to—released.

A fiercely friendly place I can claim as my very own.
I am throwing arms open to the whole of myself—especially the fearful, fault-finding, falling apart, unfinished parts, knowing
every seed and w**d, every drop of rain, has made the soil richer.

I will light a candle, pour a hot cup of tea, gather
around the warmth of my own blazing fire. I will howl
if I want to, knowing this flame can burn through
any perceived problem, any prescribed perfectionism,
any lying limitation, every heavy thing.

I am making a home inside myself
where grace blooms in grand and glorious
abundance, a shelter of kindness that grows
all the truest things.”
-Julia Fehrenbacher -

Photo: Karla-M Bardz

WE ARE WARRIORS OF ANXIETY

Sometimes anxiety lives as a gentle rumble in the background of our daily lives.

But sometimes, the floodgates of our experience are flung wide open, and raw anxiety surges in the body like a tidal wave.

Maybe we are going through a tough time in our lives, a crisis, a change, the end of a relationship, an illness, the sickness or death of a loved one, or the falling-away of an old dream or "safety net", and scary thoughts trigger an anxiety response in the body. Maybe our anxiety comes out of nowhere. Maybe we are touching into a past trauma, and old painful feelings are threatening to emerge into conscious awareness. Maybe we are simply imagining things that aren’t really true, invoking things that aren't really there. Maybe something just needs to be processed in us, dealt with, felt to completion, brought into love, integrated into a bigger picture of self.

Yes, sometimes anxiety comes, unwanted and unexpected, into the foreground of conscious experience, instantly bringing a pounding heart, a racing mind, heat and sweat and tingly limbs, nausea and tightness in the belly and chest and throat, and a feeling of the ground falling out from under us. We feel like we want to run, to crawl out of our own skin, to escape to safety, to find solid ground again...

Anxiety can be mild, or it can be really intense and scary and powerful like this. When anxiety comes in such a tidal wave, it can really feel like “Something is going horribly wrong!”. Our thoughts may tell us that we are about to die, or pass out, or have a heart attack or stroke, or go completely mad, or lose ourselves in some terrifying void.

The anxiety itself can feel unsafe. We can become anxious about our anxiety!

The truth is, these symptoms of anxiety are completely safe. Pounding hearts are safe. Muscle tightness is safe. That ‘sinking feeling’ in the belly is safe. Racing thoughts are safe. Heat and sweat and that dizzy, groundless, disconnected feeling is totally safe. It might not feel safe in the moment, it might not feel pleasant, but it’s totally safe. It is just a passing storm of sensation and thought. It’s the body deep in protection mode. It’s nature at its most brilliant and ancient and fierce. It doesn’t mean that something “bad” is happening or is "about to" happen.

We learn to ‘lean in’ to the storm of our anxiety, to let the body do what it’s doing. To recognize that we are experiencing anxiety in the present moment, to name the visitor, to bring mindful awareness to it, and to compassionately touch into it, with courage and slowness and breath. We begin to allow the heart to race and pound, and we allow the shakiness and trembling and the heat, and we allow the tight belly and the tingles and that doom-laden sinking feeling. We allow the moment as it is, messy and intense and uncomfortable and alive, as it is. We tell ourselves, “Yes, I am experiencing anxiety right now, it is really really intense, but it is totally safe, it is the nervous system rushing to protect the organism, and nothing more than that, and it will pass, and I can hold it all…” We learn to step into that bigger part of ourselves, that ever-present Being in the midst of the somatic storm.

We learn to stop fighting the anxiety, to stop shaming it, to stop calling it bad or wrong or dangerous (and if these thoughts come, we recognize them as anxious thoughts too!). We learn to stop running from our anxiety, stop trying to get to some “safer place”. We learn that the safest place is actually right here, where we are, at the very heart of our anxiety! We learn to bow to anxiety’s awesome power and intelligence, and to ride the wave of anxiety as it arises, reaches its peak, and crashes back to its source.

We become warriors of anxiety! We get brave enough to touch into our fragility and vulnerability, to meet this most sacred and ancient of somatic visitors, which is only trying to protect us, keep us safe, and remind us of our true power.

- Jeff Foster

As you travel the landscape of your inner world, let me remind you that you are not what happened to you. You are not your anger. You are not the labels given to you. You are not your bank account. You are not your job. You are not your pain. You are not your children, your parents or your ancestors.

You are You! Ancient. Wise. Worthy. Enough. Everything you are and forgot about in the process of living life wants now to be revealed. It wants to be remembered, acknowledged and brought to the surface.

Trauma and abuse dimmed your light. Neglect and indifference made you hide your precious gifts in a safe place where no one could ever find and ridicule them. You put away aspects of yourself so they are no longer bullied or humiliated.

But that was then. Now, you will show the world what you are made of and what you stand up for.

I am honored to embark with you on a sacred journey to the core of who you are and we will not stop until you shine your light and the world shall be better for it..................................................
Reflection by for the Woman's Soul
Corina Andronache

Photo: by NativeShinee