Brave People Solutions
We solve your communication, conflict and workplace culture challenges My name is Tulsi van de Graaff. I'm the founder of Lead Your Own Change.
For over 7 years I've been working with individuals and organisations to develop emotional intelligence and resilience. Through awareness and action, we have the opportunity to find our life's vision, to communicate to enhance relationships, to overcome what is holding us back and to live a fulfilled and authentic life. I’ve seen that when people have the opportunity and support to reflect on their lives, their relationships, the way they communicate and where they have been stuck, amazing change can happen. But it’s not always easy. It takes commitment, awareness and the rights tools and support. I've experienced this myself in the challenges in my own life. On this page, I will share experiences and insights from my life and the work that I do and great videos, articles, tools and tips, all with a focus on inspiring us to lead our own change and make that change a reality.
Are you causing smart people to feel stupid?
We often notice other people struggling before we recognise the warning signs in ourselves.
I am seeing a missing link in many teams, organisations and in life. People want to support each other but lack the confidence and knowledge of how best to do this. As humans, if we’re scared about saying the wrong thing, we’ll often say nothing.
Teams I’ve worked with value this four-step protective process for opening up new conversations. I remember one participant in a team strengthening program saying, ‘This is amazing, we have never talked like this.’
This process helps make conversations about the impact of pressure and stress more familiar and part of our workplace culture and everyday lives.
We often miss opportunities to invite people in to help protect us. By sharing our warning signs and giving others permission to check in, we make it easier for them to offer support when they notice changes we may not have recognised in ourselves.
You don’t have to give everyone permission to check in. You can choose the people you feel comfortable inviting in, at work and in life.
That’s what makes this protective process so valuable. It helps bridge the gap between noticing and taking action to offer support, often before others have recognised their own warning signs or realised they need support.
To maximise the benefits of the Above and Below the Line Agreement, it’s best to introduce it as a positive team activity.
You could say something like:
'I came across this idea for an Above and Below the Line Agreement and thought it could be a great way for us to get some clarity about what we want and don’t want in how we work together as a team.'
The activity does not need to be about what is happening in the team right now.
It is an opportunity to spend time together, reflect on how you want to work as a team and create the agreement together.
The agreement creates clarity and helps set and reset expectations.
As the team creates the agreement, keep these things in mind:
1. Keep contributions practical and observable. Focus on behaviours people can actually see or hear.
2. Don’t assume agreement. Discuss each contribution and check for shared understanding and agreement.
3. Clarify what each behaviour looks like in practice. Ask, 'What would we actually see or hear?'
4. Make space for different perspectives. Ensure quieter voices are invited in, rather than the conversation being shaped by the most confident people in the room.
After creating the agreement, ask the team:
What will help us stay above the line?
How will we support each other when we notice below the line behaviour?
My very recent personal motto: ‘if I had no fear what would I be doing?’
It’s so helpful, but I need to keep coming back to it (a lot).
I bought a notebook today to write down all the things I would do if I had no fear.
I’m listening to my 20 year old daughter and her best friend composing songs as they sit on the couch with the sunlight shining on them. Their songs are absolutely beautiful, touch my heart and bring me to tears.
They were having a little chat about the possibility of sharing their songs out into the world and how they are too scared, and then my daughter said, ‘mum’s got a saying’, and she repeated it.
I asked them ‘what would you do if you had no fear?’ They both instantly said they would share their songs. These songs would be such a gift to the world.
Fear can be such a barrier. In my workshops, programs and leadership coaching, fear comes up consistently.
Where would we be, what would we be doing, if we weren’t held back by fear?
I’ve decided to make myself a personal project. I’m going to list all the things I would do if fear wasn’t holding me back and then I’m going to do my best to do them.
I’ll keep you posted 😊.
Tulsi
29/04/2026
The Leadership Institute (ANZ) is holding a Women in Leadership Summit from 26 to 29 May with excellent speakers. I will again be facilitating the post conference workshop, The Practical Leadership Playbook: Leading with Clarity and Courage.
I've been running these full day masterclasses over many years now and we always have a fantastic and fun time exploring practical tools, advanced leadership strategies and discussing leadership challenges in a supportive environment.
You will walk away with a comprehensive toolkit including proven templates, techniques and conversation guides that you can immediately apply.
It's always a privilege to work with so many enthusiastic participants and The Leadership Institute (ANZ).
Here is the link if you would like to attend https://lnkd.in/gnGVz46X.
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Sydney, NSW
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