The Sage Woman Studio

🌿 When Power Is Built on the Devaluation of Women

The unfolding legal cases involving Andrew and Tristan Tate should prompt a much wider conversation about the messages we are allowing to shape our young men.

The brothers face an extraordinary number of serious criminal charges, including allegations of r**e, sexual exploitation and human trafficking. These allegations remain before the courts, and the legal process must be respected.

But there is another issue that deserves our attention.

The damage caused by an ideology that teaches men to mistake control for strength and the degradation of women for success.

For years, the Tate brothers have cultivated an image of wealth, dominance and masculine superiority, attracting young men searching for confidence, belonging and direction.

And in doing so, I believe they have failed not only women, but many of those young men too.

Because what kind of future are we creating when boys are encouraged to view women as possessions, relationships as power struggles, and emotional vulnerability as weakness?

There is nothing admirable about coercion.

Nothing powerful about intimidation.

Nothing successful about exploiting another human being.

And nothing masculine about making a woman feel small.

As a counsellor working with women, I understand how damaging the normalisation of these attitudes can be. Coercive control does not always begin with obvious cruelty. It can begin with entitlement, manipulation, the gradual erosion of boundaries and the belief that one person has the right to dominate another.

These attitudes do not belong in healthy relationships, and they should never be celebrated as a pathway to success.

The serious allegations against the Tate brothers deserve proper investigation, due process and accountability wherever wrongdoing is established.

But regardless of the eventual court outcomes, we can and should challenge the messages they have promoted.

Our young men deserve better role models.

Our daughters deserve relationships grounded in dignity and equality.

And women who have experienced exploitation, intimidation or coercion deserve to be heard, protected and treated with respect.

True strength does not require another person to become smaller.

It is found in integrity, kindness, accountability and the courage to treat others as equals.

Perhaps this is an opportunity to ask ourselves what we are teaching the next generation about power, relationships and human worth.

Because influence carries responsibility.

And no amount of wealth, popularity or online admiration should ever place someone beyond accountability.

🌿 At The Sage Woman Studio, I believe awareness is where meaningful change begins.

A place to pause, reflect and reconnect with your inner wisdom.

Cynthia 💚🌿

🍃💚Thankyou for all the visitors to my little woodland Apothecary stall today. What a great day, quite busy and many conversations were had. Thanks as always to my wonderful husband Lance for helping set up, providing inspiration, drinks and food lol, I could not do it without him.
Next market is on the 1st of November🍃💚
Cynthia 💚

🌿🌿I’ve been reflecting lately on the difference between values and morals.🌿🌿 it’s been a burning question/accusation 🌿🌿

I once spoke about my values in a conversation, and it was immediately heard and maliciously retold as though I were questioning someone else’s morals.

But that wasn’t what I was saying at all.

When I speak about my values, I’m talking about what matters deeply to me. The principles I want to live by. The things that help guide my choices, relationships and the way I move through the world.

Saying “this doesn’t align with my values” does not automatically mean:

“You are wrong.”
“You are a bad person.”
“My morals are better than yours.”

It can simply mean:

“This is what matters to me, and I need to honour that.”

Someone else is allowed to have different values. They are allowed to see a situation differently. They are even allowed to misunderstand me.

And perhaps one of the harder lessons in knowing ourselves is recognising that understanding cannot always be forced.

We can explain. We can listen. We can remain curious. We can give people the opportunity to understand the difference.

But when someone continually refuses to hear what we are actually saying, we don’t have to abandon our own values trying to convince them.

Sometimes we lovingly let people believe what they choose to believe.

Sometimes we stop defending ourselves.

And sometimes we let a relationship go — not because we have decided that we are morally superior, but because our values are showing us what we can and cannot continue to participate in.

Values don’t have to be accusatory.

They can simply be our inner compass saying:

This matters to me.
This is what I need to say to protect others, at risk of being villified.
This is how I want to live.
And I can respect your right to choose differently while still honouring my own path.

Different paths do not always require a villain. Sometimes they simply require acceptance.

Cynthia ♡

🌿Being empathetic doesn’t mean endlessly absorbing, excusing or carrying the behaviour of others.

There is a beautiful shift that happens when compassion begins to include yourself too.

You can understand someone’s pain without accepting harmful behaviour.
You can care without rescuing.
You can listen without abandoning what you know to be true for you.

Empathy with boundaries is still empathy. 🌿
Feel free to save the visual, to pause and reflect when needed.

Cynthia ♡

🌿DARVO & JADE — Understanding the Cycle🌿

DARVO and JADE can become closely connected in difficult relationship dynamics.

DARVO describes a pattern that may occur when someone is challenged about their behaviour:

D — Deny what happened
A — Attack the person raising the concern
R — Reverse
V — Victim and
O — Offender

Instead of the original concern being addressed, the conversation can shift and a diversion away from the original subject can be created. As an example, someone might say, ‘well Im just the worst person, why don’t you just leave!’, ‘Oh nothing I do is right.’ ‘What about you, when you did …’ The person raising the issue may suddenly find themselves defending their character, intentions or behaviour.

Why do we DARVO?

A few reasons, to avoid accountability, to avoid sitting in our uncomfortable feelings, stonewall or to quickly get rid of shame and guilt.

This is often where JADE begins.

J — Justify
We explain why we did or said something.

A — Argue
We try to correct the story or convince the other person of our perspective.

D — Defend
We protect ourselves against criticism, blame or accusations.

E — Explain
We provide more and more information, hoping that if we explain ourselves clearly enough, we will finally be understood.

Why do we JADE?

Often because we care.

We want to be understood. We want fairness. We want to resolve the disagreement. We may fear being seen as the problem, or believe that one more explanation will finally make the other person understand.

It is a very human response.

But when we are caught in an unproductive or manipulative interaction, repeatedly justifying, arguing, defending and explaining can keep us engaged in the very cycle that is exhausting us.

A different response

Recognising the pattern gives us an opportunity to respond differently.

Pause.

Notice what is happening before automatically defending yourself.

Reflect.

Ask yourself: Is this conversation moving towards understanding, or am I being pulled away from the original issue?

Reconnect.

Return to what you know, what you need, what is within your control and whether continuing the conversation is helpful or safe.

You might choose to keep your response short and calm, restate a boundary, decline to continue an unproductive conversation, or simply give yourself permission not to respond immediately.

The goal isn’t to “win” the interaction.

It is to become less reactive, more grounded and increasingly able to choose your response rather than being pulled automatically into an old pattern.

Awareness creates choice.
And choice is often where change begins. 🌿

Cynthia ♡
The Sage Woman Studio

🍃Safety is often where healing begins.

🌿 When we are feeling overwhelmed, hurt or constantly on alert, there can be pressure to fix everything or make big decisions straight away.

But sometimes the gentlest first step is simply creating enough emotional safety to slow down, listen to ourselves and understand what we truly need.

Clarity doesn’t have to come through urgency — sometimes it arrives when we finally give ourselves permission to pause.

Cynthia ♡

🍃Awareness can be painful, especially within families.🍃

Sometimes when one person begins to see a family pattern differently, speak about what has been happening, or stop participating in something that no longer feels healthy, the family doesn’t necessarily welcome that awareness.

Instead, they may protect the familiar story.

People can minimise what happened, defend behaviour that has caused harm, repeat another person’s version of events, or distance themselves from the person who is questioning the pattern.

Not always because they consciously want to cause harm — but because seeing the truth may ask them to confront something they are not yet ready to face.

Sometimes belonging to the family system feels safer than questioning it.

And sadly, the person who begins saying “Something isn’t right here” can become the one who is blamed, rejected or isolated.

This is why awareness matters.

Awareness doesn’t require us to convince everybody else of what we see.

Sometimes it begins quietly, with trusting ourselves enough to ask:

What am I noticing?
What have I been taught not to question?
And what feels true for me when I step away from everybody else’s story?

Awareness isn’t about judgement. It’s about curiosity, compassion and choice.

Cynthia ♡

🍃When something stirs us, there can be such a strong urge to react, explain, defend, withdraw or make a decision. But there is another possibility.🍃

Pause.
Name what you’re feeling.
Notice where you feel it in your body.
Become curious about what it may be telling you.
And gently separate the feeling from the story your mind is building around it.

Your feelings are important information, but they don’t always require immediate action.

Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do is simply say:

“Something is happening inside me. I don’t have to respond to it yet.”

That small pause can create enough space for choice, perspective and our own inner wisdom to return.

A really useful process from JB Therapy that I thought was worth sharing. 🌿

Cynthia ♡
The Sage Woman Studio
A place to pause, reflect and reconnect with your inner wisdom.

Tiles curtesy of JB Therapies