Riverweaving

I'm again devastated to see my writing to go with these posts have not been added... I'm curious if anybody else has this issue?

I would like to acknowledge the Whare wananga held by Ruatua Perez.

And if I get the oppertunity I will rewrite the message that has been present in my healing space.

But for now, I'm sitting with the devastation and loathing I feel for being silenced and underrepresented by technology that is supposed to be a tool.

There is a world happening inside of you that deserves your loving attention.
Getting familar with your inner world that of sensation, emotion and energy so you can feel your edges.

To get clarity.
To hear your resounding YES, or solid No.

Try taking a few long slow breaths, place a hand on your heart and a hand on your belly.
Close your eyes and hum, how does it feel?
Where does your hum begin?
How does it sound?
Calm, strung out, you don't know?

How does it feel if you keep going, breathing and humming holding yourself.
You could try swaying,
Or rocking... let your body lead.

Come home to your body, just to be with you, to come back, to be with and in yourself.

It's time to tune in,
To know that you matter too!

https://www.riverweaving.com/

These guys!! 😍
Know resting is a super power 🐌

Yesterday during a workshop another woman spoke up.
And I heard her inner voice speaking...

"I'm ok, this experience happened to me and I now I'm chosing to recognise I'm ok."

"The shame I carried was not meant for me."

We witnessed her sacred NO and  emerging YES...

I choose to bring the remaining parts of myself back from the dark and into the light...  "I feel good about me".
.."these are my words."

May we all move closer to our truth.

I remember when it was my turn to speak up in a group setting, to say NO...I can't work with a male today.

It wasn't the male in front of me that caused this impulse, the irony and devine humor of my moment to say "NO, I'm not ok," was meet by an extremely androgynous and gentle young man.

The moment my voice chose to find itself could easily have been rationalized as, this gentle natured human means me absolutely no harm!

And/Yet.

My inner experience was calling for me to say NO.
It felt important in that moment. Otherwise I would be betraying the experience my body was moving through. So I had to let this new community within the workshop container... know, "my body doesn't feel safe."

Whilst another equally convincing 'inner voice' shouted, a tirade of rational thoughts. "This is ridiculous, he's fine, say nothing - don't make this awkward, what will people think? This kid is sweet, so get over it!"

But what I really needed,
Was to be ok to listen to my body.
AND to use my voice to speak up for my body, to honor my bodies response, as she was processing and needed time.
Right now she needed me to speak on her behalf.

What happened next was that the group gave me space.
It felt like everyone withdrew.
And I felt like a trouble maker and a weirdo.
No other gendered human offered to work with me and I had to fumble for a bit. I had to be awkward and out of place.

Its important to note this course was impeccably held, a truly well facilated training, with a well resourced support team. And/yet there I was... similar to 'Carrie dressed ready for prom, doused in pigs blood.' Standing alone.

Although my inner experience was not of horror, a part of me slid in close and said "s**t I'm proud of you, that was really fu***ng uncomfortable."
"You backed yourself over the comfort of the group. And no one else is choosing you."
"But you've got you." My progress was not theirs the journey had been mine. And I had arrived in this moment ready to untangle the remaining residue of shame and free myself.

Recently during a workshop another woman spoke up.

And I heard her inner voice speaking...

"I'm ok, this experience happened to me and I now I'm chosing to recognise I'm ok."

"The shame I carried was not meant for me."

We witnessed her sacred NO and her emerging YES...

"Yes, I choose to bring the remaining parts of myself back from the dark and into the light."

"I feel good about me".
..these are my words.

May we all move closer to our truth.

The empathetic person in your home might be the most well regulated.

If they are habitually doing their daily mindfulness practices. Looking after themselves by making mostly healthy choices, like exercise and eating well.

And they might also be,
the most exhausted person in your home!

To be honest early in my practice I thought 'empaths' were fairly disregulated. Because they would present in my space overwhelmed, scattered, anxious and collapsing.

Because they'd typically only schedule time to RECEIVE when they were burnt out and beyond desperate in their need to be witnessed, supported and held.

They weren't receiving co- regulation, they where perpetually giving out to hold the rythms and needs of their family.

Why?

Part of the empathic personalities survival is rooted in everyone else. They need others within their environment to be ok. So then, they too can feel safe and well.

Which means they gift their attention and carry the burdens of others, appeasing everyone else in order to feel ok.

Which means family members can come to habitually outsource the empath for their own regulation.

These clients are then having to do their 'personal practices or inner-work' to be well regulated, but it becomes a job!
A second full time job, trying to process and heal on behalf of others.

Re-setting their nervous system only to manage MORE, to safely survive within the competing needs of the group.

But BEing YOU is not a job, although yes it it is mindful work.

If your reading this and your feeling burnt out -perhaps outwardly strong, yet inwardly crumbling.

Exhausted yet unable to stop and rest.

Encase your community collapses without you perceiving what everyone else needs.

Perhaps its time to book some bodywork to unplug, untangle and let go... to re-establish your worth in stillness and being.

To gift yourself your attention first, to internally stabilize your loving attention and empathy deserves a home within you too.