The Battle Within

Honestly, I look ok and sound ok most of the time. But I'm truly struggling with the worst depression of my life. It's literally like 5 years running and it doesn't let up. I'm tired.

It doesn't stop, I swear... My car died tonight on my way home ( thank you Momma for the ride home) and I am pretty certain it's DEAD dead. Like way too much to put into it dead.

If anyone knows anyone giving a car away, lemme know. I know it's extremely unlikely. But I am pretty sure I am gonna need a car and we just don't have the money to get even a junker. I work at an auto parts store so I can get parts and I know car guys to fix something up, but my car has car cancer and it's dying no matter what. Anything (even if anything can be done) will be a bandage on the inside cancer and internal hemorrhaging on the inside anyway. Figured it was worth putting out into the universe.

Pic was from this evening when I was getting ready for euchre tonight. Lol. I haven't done my makeup in months, for a couple reasons. I decided not to post earlier but I needed to laugh and lighten my mood so I changed my mind. I have been really focusing on my blessings lately, trying to not get overwhelmed. My blessing in this is I was able to see my Heather Feather tonight and I am grateful. The adventures never cease Heather Bates 🤣🤣🤣🤷🤦🙄

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RIP Kirby. I'm so sad.

I haven't posted much. I've been busy and keep having these weird hormone shifts. They make my HS flare up real bad. I have one about an inch and a half wide and it's at least as deep but she said probably more. No cellulitis yet. They couldn't open it so absolutely zero pressure relief which irritates me. I don't care about scars and the pain is minimal in comparison. It hurts so bad when they are this bad. I got a script for antibiotics and a doctor's note for tomorrow if I need it. And now I wait. And I hope that it doesn't get worse before the antibiotics kick in. If I experience anything more than what I have now I am to go to emergency. This has been the normal every three months or so. So irritated with my insurance plan through my job. I don't know how to find a better one....